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The Woman’s Role in Building the Successful Household By Shaikh Saleem al Hilalee

What are some of the things we can implement to build the secure home on the establishment of the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wassallam)?

1. From the most important things first of all is to learn the habits of your husband. And also it is incumbent upon the husband to learn the habits of his wife.This is something that is important as has been shown in many ahadeeth in the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wasallam). That the muslim woman is to strive to learn about her husband as much as she can. And this can only come about by learning what our deen, our religion has dictated, in terms of how to deal with one’s husband. So therefore the important point is that she learns his habits, learns his manners and shows him how she can accommodate them with the words of Allah and the sunnah of His Messenger Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wassallam).

2. Second, the muslim woman must realise that her responsibility in the home is a way of worshipping Allah (subhana wa ta’ala). It is part of keeping her duty to Allah. A woman once came and asked the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wassallam) while she was holding a child in her hand, she asked him: ‘Will I be rewarded for this, O messenger of Allah?’ Implying taking care of the child and raising him according to the tenants of alIslaam. And the Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wassallam) answered her in the affirmative by saying: ‘Yes you will be rewarded.’

3. Third, from the things that a muslim woman can do to build a healthy relationship in her home and cultivate it, is to know that building a peaceful home is a way of pleasing Allah (subhana wa ta’ala). It is something that Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) and his Prophet Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wassallam) advised the muslim men to seek, when they are asking for a muslim woman’s hand in marriage.

To seek out the woman who is loving, caring, tender. The muslim woman who is also ‘walood’ a source of a long lineage. So this is something that the muslim man is advised
with, to look for the woman who is caring, who is kind, who is tender. For a peaceful home must be built on tenderness and kindness and respect. So therefore these are from the things that we were advised as muslim men to seek when we are seeking a muslim wife.”
The Shaykh continued by advising us with some more hints to how to build a loving relationship in the home, by saying:

4. Number four is to try to work out the family issues and the problems that may arise inside the home, not to involve other people. Not to run to the Imaam as soon as something wrong happens, but to try to work it out inside of the home and not to let it get out of hand and also not to divulge any of the family problems in front of young children or children in the household

5. Number five, from the most important points is that he muslim woman must be patient. She must have patience. And this is vividly shown in the example as is narrated in the Saheeh of al-Bukhaari, in the story of Isma’eel and his father Ibraheem:
‘Isma’eel was married to a woman and Ibraheem came to visit his son and upon arriving to his home he found that Isma’eel was away from the house. So he asked Isma’eel’s wife, ‘how is the situation, how is your life with Isma’eel?’, without telling her that he is his father. She said ‘we have little food’ and she began to complain. He told her, ‘when your husband returns inform him that he is to change his doorstep (then entrance of his door).’ So when Isma’eel returned from his trip she informed him of what the man had told her who was in fact his father Ibraheem and Isma’eel told her: ‘Return to your family’ or ‘you are divorced, my father has just ordered me to divorce you.’

And the reason for this was that she was not patient. She showed Ibraheem that she was a woman who was not patient, was not willing to put up with some of the hardships in life.
‘Then Ibraheem came a year later and found a new wife that Isma’eel had married. And once again Isma’eel was out of the home when he arrived. Ibraheem (alaihisalaam) asked the wife of Isma’eel, his son, ‘how is your situation, how is your life?’ She said, ‘Alhumdulillah, everything is fine.’ And she did not complain. He told her, ‘when your husband returns, tell him to hold onto his doorstep and not to change it.’

Meaning that to inform Isma’eel that his wife was pious and was patient and that he should not divorce her. Therefore we see that the woman as is shown in this example, is like the doorstep of the home, everything must pass through her. She is the one is in control of what enters and what leaves. She is the one who is in control of setting the mood of the home. If she is impatient and if she is hurried in her words, therefore there will be ill treatment and hardship that will follow. But if she is patient and obedient to Allah and guarding of her home and guarding of her children, therefore it will be a situation that will have in it a healthy attitude for the husband, wife and the children.”

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